Well, here we are… The onset of a new year.
2018
As I reflect on the year of 2018, I think about the lessons I have learned, relationships I have gained, lost, the laughter, tears, my travels… I realize that 2018 was one of my most eventful years yet. A lot of the piles of bricks within myself became walls - strong and powerful. Notions of uncertainty, want, confusion all accumulated and found themselves fairly resolved by the birth of the new year. I healed many aspects of myself that had been hurt.
I traveled to 3 new countries, I worked another summer in The Big Apple… I gained new and strengthened old relationships, and learned to let go of much toxicity in my life. I am proud of the person that 2018 made me.
Alas, there is much to still be done. We are all works in progress, and I can say with certainty that I am continuing to learn this, day in and day out. The incessant planner within me struggles with the idea that maybe I will never be exactly the person I want to be, or have everything I want and need… But there is also the beauty in it, the idea that maybe I could.
2019
Now I sit and scribble down the words that come to mind when I consider my goals for the new year. Although I believe that change can happen at any moment, any day of the year, I acknowledge the conceptual value of a “fresh start” every time January 1st roles around. A time for reflection, a time for goal setting, and most of all, a time for intention, a word I so fervently align with.
Words such as health, fitness, love, cherish, thankful, eat, meditate all encircle my brain as I begin to make sense of these ideas.
I have studied health behavior change and goal setting in my University classes, and have come to avidly agree with a few of the basic principles of goal setting.
SMART Goals
Keeping goals specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-oriented are critical in terms of maintaining change. This is called SMART goal setting.
For these reasons, if your 2019 goals involve eating more fruits and vegetables or going to the gym more, I would suggest to you to write down exactly how you plan to achieve and hold yourself accountable for these goals. There is power in taking pen to paper, writing things down, in detail.
Asking yourself, “Is my goal a SMART one?” would mean questioning whether or not your goal is specific enough, able to be measured and accounted for, actually achievable for you based on your lifestyle and potential time constraints/commitments, realistic for you, and can be tracked throughout time.
This is simply an aside involving goal setting, and is by no means a requirement for all of your life goals. I have found through my studies, however, that changes that have to do with health behaviors and lifestyle are best maintained if they follow these guidelines.
Many of you, however, (including myself) may be making more general and large goals at the onset of the new year. Maybe you simply want to “be more fit,” which may begin to become structured as you try out new workouts, a gym, at home tutorials, etc. Some goals cannot be set-in-stone at the beginning, but will find their way into your lifestyle with a little commitment and hard word. Holding yourself accountable when you are aiming for personal change is important, and this may involve others as well: finding a gym buddy, having your partner remind you of your goals/to choose a healthier snack, etc.
As I sit and ponder what I hope to gain from 2019, I realize how very uncertain and vague my plan is for the upcoming year. I will graduate from college in the summer, and though I am not sure where exactly the wind will take me, I want to be strapped up and ready for the ride. This year will be a lot of change for me, and that is okay. Because of this, it is hard to create specific goals, so mine are relatively general. Nonetheless, important.
Anyhow, here they are.
1. Eat more intuitively
(and worry less about food).
Someone who eats intuitively can be defined as someone who “makes food choices without experiencing guilt or an ethical dilemma, honors hunger, respects fullness and enjoys the pleasure of eating.”
Well, I have spent a good part of the past few years worrying about food.
I have written an extensive post about my food journey before… but even so, that was almost a year ago and much has changed. As I delve deeper and deeper into my emotion, my mindset, my whole self, I realize that I have been harboring a lot of food-related anxieties, and a very “good food vs. bad food” mentality.
I preach to others the importance of viewing food as fuel, of not seeing foods as “good” or “bad” and about eating the things your body needs and wants without worry or guilt. But, do I practice what I preach? Often… Certainly not always.
More recently I realized that I was unhappy with the way I was eating, I found my food lifestyle extremely restrictive and particular, and this ostracized me from my friends, family, and certain social experiences.
This is not me saying I am no longer planning to follow a mainly plant-based diet or start eating meat again. This is not the case, but I am saying that I want to be more lenient with myself, worry and guilt myself less, and enjoy food again more. In all of my research and nutritional interest, I found that I was counting and judging every morsel I ate. That is no way to eat, live, or sustain the temple of your body.
I also realized that much of this past year I found myself not feeling satiated after a meal, eating the exact same things over and over (lots of pasta), and slowly losing my zest and passion for cooking and food with all of the technicalities of nutrition.
In 2019, I plan to nourish my body with good, whole ingredients, but also enjoy the occasional treat, shared bite, and truly tune into my body’s responses to food.
I want to learn to listen to my body, eat when I am hungry, stop when I am full, and not harbor so much negative emotion regarding food.
2. Write more
(and read, too).
If there is one thing in this world that feels as natural to me as breathing, it is writing.
Sure, I have other passions. I also love cooking, reading, traveling, taking photos, interior design, and spending time with my friends and loved ones.
But there has been something inside of me since I was a little girl that whispered to me write, write, write..
As if I may explode if I did not. As if this word was coursing through my veins.
I wrote my first "novel” in the fourth grade. I remember it well. It was called Ann Wellings. It was the story of a woman in the late 1800’s who escaped a horrible tornado in her Iowa town and found herself trapped in some sort of never ending and inescapable meadow. Each chapter involved a new challenge she faced (food, shelter, finding a kitten as a pet) and the methods she used to overcome them. Pretty complex for a 10-year-old, eh?
I would come home from school and sit at the desktop computer in my childhood home and just write my little heart away, I couldn’t wait to type out all of the jumbled ideas in my head.
Nothing has changed.
I am still the little girl who sits in front of a notebook or laptop and spills it all there, the truth, on the page. The inner-workings of Morgan’s mind.
So here it is, ACTUALLY write more in 2019, Morgan. When you have some free time, you are sitting at home and you are binge-watching a tv show or you are waiting for an appointment or you are tapping your foot in a coffee shop… take out your notebook and pen, and do what you do best. Do what is programmed into your muscles since birth, and write.
3. (Actually) Drink more water.
I swear this is an intention of mine every single year. I have never been a naturally good water-drinker. I have to force it in a way.
I have bought all of the fancy reusable water bottles. The expensive bottles that keep your cold drinks cold for 24 hours and your hot drinks hot for 12. And yet, a full bottle of ice cold water will sit in my bag for the entire day before I remember that I haven’t had a single sip of water all day and finally reach for it. It’s truly problematic.
The human body is made up of SO much water, it is beyond me that I have survived and thrived as long as I have with the full knowledge that I don’t drink enough water. Not nearly enough.
And so, I am going to make it a point to ALWAYS be carrying around a water bottle (hello yellow Hydroflask I got for Christmas!) and ACTUALLY drink it. I want to fill that bad boy up 3 times a day and actually get the amount of water I know I am supposed to. This is my year.
In those phases of my life where I actually was drinking enough water, I felt significantly better, more energetic, healthier, less bloated… and yet, I have never managed to maintain the habit. If only I could reprogram the wire in my brain that reminds me that I’m thirsty.
As I write this, I’m taking a big gulp of water now. I promise, I really am!
4. Trust your heart more and allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Oof, a tough but important cliché.
“Trust your heart”… In theory, it sounds great and easy, but as we humans know, your heart doesn’t exactly give you clear step-by-step instructions.
We have all been broken, and we have all probably done the breaking ourselves, too. People get hurt, and it is all part of the journey. We build the greatest strength from our weakest points.
It is easy to build walls around your heart, to simply not allow ourselves to become vulnerable to the hands and words of another person, or even ourselves. It is easy to think “Hm, this person could break my heart. Not again. I’m out of here!”
Another cliché BUT, it is greater to have loved and lost than never loved at all.
I remind myself of this often. To feel the immaculate and pure joy of love, trust, of beautiful friendship… there is nothing else like it. While sometimes these things are lost or broken, it would have been a damn shame if they had never happened in the first place, even if the ruins might have left a scar. That joy and that laughter and those kisses were all that you wanted at one point, and for that its worth it.
I have been hurt more than once or twice, and I have closed myself off on a few occasions as well.
But, go with what feels good and right, and remember that it is okay to let someone in. Actually let someone in. The dark corners of yourself that you may not often visit, your feeling-less-than-beautiful days. If you believe someone’s intention to be true, proceed. If your heart smiles at the sound of their voice, proceed. With caution… but proceed.
We cannot find what we want or need until we stop shutting away the possibilities.
Love might not look like the person, time or place that you envision, but when it comes, hold on to it.
Answer that door, with open arms, and no walls.
5. Embrace the unplanned.
Finally, my last intention.
It nearly pains me to type out the word “unplanned.”
For those who know me at all, know I am a BIG planner. I make to-do lists, I follow schedules, I set goals for my days, and I follow a nice little routine.
While this is a part of my wiring and it is fine and good to plan, it is also okay to embrace the unplanned too, every now and again.
Say “yes” to the things that you were not prepared to be asked.
I fear the moments where things do not go according to plan, but as life always does, there will be unplanned curveballs thrown at you. Be prepared for this. Change is important for growth, and often times change cannot be planned or even understood, not at the time.
So one impromptu trip to Mexico later, I am already making this intention a reality. With 1 day to plan, that was way out of my typical comfort zone, but it wound up being a wonderful paradise of a vacation.
Sometimes “Going with the flow” might not be so bad after all.
In conclusion…
I have many many goals for the year of 2019, but these are the 5 I am going to truly hold myself accountable for.
Sure, I want to travel, make new friends, potentially start a career, spend time with my family and friends, continue to build my relationship, and also spend time with myself.
In 2019, we will self care.
Whatever that means to you.