what does it mean to love yourself?
some people spend their entire life searching for "self love" as if it is a tangible thing. something that can be obtained and kept. something that can be found through face masks, or treating yourself with chocolate, or painting your nails.
i believe that "self love" is more of a journey, and something you continually work on each and every day. it is not about being happy with the way your hair lays, the way your hips curve, your smile. it is about being your own biggest fan and supporter. it is about unconditionally accepting that sometimes you will thrive and sometimes you will mess up, but you deserve the same amount of love either way.
it is easy to believe that we love and accept ourselves, but to truly believe in ourselves and be in touch with our inner selves is often overlooked.
sure, it is easy to support and care for ourselves when we are at our best - to recognize our own value.
but when everything around you crumbles, and you are alone in a room with your body and your thoughts, does the room feel full, or empty?
body diversity and comparison
let's start with a cliché. you've heard it many times: we are all unique.
every body is different, and every body is good. we all have different genetics, different cores, different minds, different skins. the world would be a painfully boring place if we were all identical. yet, we are so quick to compare ourselves with those around us and wonder why don't i look like that? or i would not be self conscious if i had that body.
throughout history, beauty standards and ideals have shifted time and time again. even throughout my relatively short twenty years of living, i have seen shifts in what is deemed "ideal" - especially in terms of the female form.
why are we so self-critical when it comes to our bodies in comparison to those around us? i watch people eyeing up others around my college campus, and it feels almost competitive. we may feel confident in our own bodies, but the moment we see someone who we think is "better" or "more curvy" or "slimmer," we start to question ourselves again. or maybe depending on who we are around, we feel better and more confident in comparison to others, and that can certainly be toxic as well.
our confidence and self acceptance depends on who we are comparing ourselves to. throughout my own body acceptance journey, this concept has been particularly challenging to overcome. whether it be social media, pop culture, or simply the standards we perceive in our workplace or college campus, we are incredibly hard on ourselves.
so here is my best advice:
start treating yourself the same way you treat those you deeply love. we do not expect perfection or hold our loved ones to unrealistic standards, so why do we do that to ourselves?
we are our own harshest critics. we often see the best in those we love, and yet we see the worst in ourselves. stop analyzing your "flaws" and start placing value in your strengths. all of these different parts are the building blocks of the wonderful you.
insecurities
there are parts of ourselves and our bodies that will never change.
i believe most of the "flaws" we see in ourselves are simply the parts of us that make us unique and makes us stand out from what we perceive as "normal" or "ideal."
although it is easier said than done, we need to truly come to terms with our insecurities rather than pushing them away or trying to change them. sometimes we can work to change the parts of ourselves we do not love, and that is perfectly okay. for example, going to the gym to lose weight or tone up. however, when it comes to the parts of ourselves that cannot necessarily be changed, like someone's laugh, curly hair, or freckles, there is a lot of value in learning to love those quirks.
we often spend a lot of time feeding the idea that someday you will find someone else to love and accept you for your flaws, but that power is ultimately within you rather than waiting elsewhere. your inner self is not looking for someone else to come and accept you for all of your "faults," but rather, for you to finally come home to yourself.
remember this,
your body is the house that you will live in for all of your days. you can change your surroundings, your environment, your relationships and friends, but you cannot escape yourself.
truly make your body a home.
fill it with artwork, ideas and opinions, with energy and movement and love.
making peace with food
this is a big and very difficult task for many.
in terms of our own eating habits, we are all very different in how we approach food. some find themselves obsessing over calories, or macronutrients, how much or how little we think we should be putting into our bodies. others are completely unaware, and simply eat what they want or have available.
building a good relationship and philosophy with food has taken me years. for more on my food journey, see my previous post let's talk about veganism.
i believe that being conscious of how you are feeding your body and the way foods make you feel inside and out is incredibly important. i think making peace with food is a crucial step to a body acceptance journey.
we often demonize certain foods and glorify others. it is important to understand that one person's diet or opinions do not have to align or correlate with yours, and just because someone you like and admire eats a specific way does not mean following that exact diet will give you the exact same results.
while i did make an entire post solely about food philosophies and my own person journey, i have one single and important concept i want to share here...
food is a wonderful thing. it is the fuel that we power our bodies with, and has a direct impact on all of our dimensions of healthy. but, food is often manipulated and overanalyzed to control something that is missing within you. whether that means you are under-eating due to body image issues or eating too many desserts because you are upset over a heartbreak, food should be a mechanism for community, love, and energy - not a quick fix to a deeper emotion.
different foods make you happy for different reasons. chocolate may make you happy because it is tasty and decadent, and that is valid. a big salad filled with your favorite roasted vegetables and greens and grains may make you happy because it energizes you and you feel healthy or confident after you eat it. a big plate of spaghetti may make you happy because it reminds you of your childhood. these are all valid. i believe all of these foods can be present in your diet, but they serve different purposes. i believe in moderation, not restriction.
social media
while i am a huge advocate for social media in some ways and believe it has incredibly beneficial aspects, there are moments when i think social media is highly toxic.
social media inherently breeds comparison. this can be constructive and positive, but can also be detrimental. you all know what i mean - seeing a healthy recipe on instagram may inspire you and give you a fun new idea, but seeing a picture of a fitness model may make you feel insecure and start questioning your own body and self-esteem. while the purpose of both posts may have been to inspire healthy lifestyle, they potentially left the viewer feeling two entirely different emotions.
i would like to add, i think the "body positivity" movement on instagram and other social media platforms is wonderful. i think it is inspiring to see diverse individuals proudly showing themselves off and proclaiming their confidence or insecurities for the world to see. i think this movement is an important stepping stone for representation of all sorts of body types and identities.
and yet, i still see so much criticism and hatred that stems from social media. whether it is a comment on a youtube video or instagram post, or a negative and bigoted thread on twitter, i notice that people still seem to boost themselves up by tearing others down.
it is important to recognize this when it comes to others as well as yourself,
when you judge others or analyze them for their imperfections or faults, it is only reflecting poorly on yourself. the way you view others directly translates to how you are treating yourself, and you may not even realize it. you do not need to find negatives in other people to recognize or empower positives in yourself.
it is also important to remember this,
people are always going to post the best versions of themselves on social media. we see the photos of them smiling, having fun, out with their friends... but never the photos of the hard times, the bad days, or the tears.
take social media with a grain of salt.
and don't be too hard on yourself when you're having a hard time just because those around you don't seem to have a care in the world. your good days are valid, as are your bad days.
appearance vs. health
simple as this: the way someone looks does not always reflect their health.
this goes for physical health as well as mental health; just because you perceive someone as fit or "skinny," that does not mean they are healthy. and just because someone is smiling and laughing, does not mean they are happy and confident. we tend to show the parts of ourselves that we like best to the world. we tend to leave the messier parts of ourselves for the privacy of our own bedrooms or internal thoughts.
our body types and metabolisms differ, and what may be a healthy weight for one may not necessarily be for another. the same goes for diet or exercise habits.
i believe in always putting your health first. do not be afraid of health fats, or carbs. do not beat yourself up over missing a workout sometimes.
it can be challenging to understand how different bodies process food and exercise and general health. some people are naturally skinny despite how much or how poorly they eat, and others may have a larger frame, but have a much healthier lifestyle. it is all subjective to comparison, therefore, it is best to try to limit comparison in the first place.
personal style and clothing
dress for yourself.
if you love that yellow dress and wearing it makes you smile, wear it. it does not matter if your friend says it looks silly. wear it.
you know that feeling when you slip on that shirt that makes you really happy? or when you put on your favorite pair of jeans, and for the rest of the day you have a hop in your step?
clothing is powerful. the way i dress and decorate my body is a form of expression that i love to play around with. putting together outfits is the same to me as making a meal or creating art - it is taking different concepts and putting them together to make something cohesive and appealing.
i also believe in investing only in clothing items that you truly love. items that you feel comfortable, confident, and happy in. when an item no longer suits you or you don't find yourself reaching for it, it does not serve you anymore and should be donated.
i am working on creating a more minimalist wardrobe myself. after cleaning out your closet and freeing yourself from old pieces that don't fit right, are damaged, or just do not bring you joy anymore, doesn't it feel like a huge weight has lifted off of you? i also tend to feel like i have more options when i have fewer pieces, because those items that i did hold onto are ones i truly love.
care for yourself
my last and maybe most important tip that sums up everything i'm trying to get at... is to care for yourself.
surround yourself with people and environments that help you exude the best version of yourself.
do what it takes to make yourself feel good, happy, and whole. whether that means eating a healthy diet, indulging in a little bit of dark chocolate each night, creating a workout routine for yourself, or buying that expensive pair of shoes because they make you feel alive.
life is too short to constantly sit on your phone and compare yourself to instagram models, or every other person you walk by on your way to work.
remember your worth. you are sitting here reading this post, and for that, you are incredibly lucky.